Tuesday,
I really miss you today. I know I'm in denial. I still think you will come back to me. Actually, it's the only thing keeps me moving forward. I have moments when I am about to crash and then I calm myself by thinking "just later".
We will buy a house.. just later. I will buy him that jacket... just later.
Today I am wavering between anger and sadness. Anger because we could have made this work. Because for me, for everything you disliked about me, I could have changed. And the things about you that I hated - now I know where a result of some very serious mental issues.
I am angry at you for quitting me. I am so angry. So angry because you placed blame on me and didn't even bring up these issues when I had a chance to fix them. I was no angel but I would have tried. I am no lost cause but you painted me as such. I hate you for that. For ruing my life, for ruining my idea of my future. For depleting my self esteem. For never having sex with me. For making me question my worth as a woman and a wife. I hate you for your selfishness. I miss who you where. I hate this angry person who you are now.
Sometimes I think- I'm glad you left me because it you are planning to remain the same miserable person you are now, then I could not have dealt with it.
Other times, I just miss you. I carry with me a deep sorrow that I cannot shake and you put it there. If you could just hold me, I would be so happy. I miss you deeply.
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